What is negotiation? It’s asking for more than you expect to get. But we’re underpaid not because we’re inferior, but because we don’t negotiate. When women are told we are underpaid, our tendency is to think not good enough. The key is not effort, but finding the right thing to achieve.” “Everyone can achieve something significant. “Exert leverage by making firm decisions, especially those that are counter-intuitive, unprecedented or courageous.” 1: The decision to wrestle is one made from courage, which is what women need to exercise more of To the young woman in Boulder who asked me how I overcome prejudice against women, I hope you find this post a more helpful answer. This post talks about how, using my experience as a competitive wrestler to illustrate. There’s tremendous opportunity in purposefully taking advantage of society’s subconscious, even apologetic, sexism.
What I believe works is to go beyond not playing victim. Merely demanding for equality doesn’t work for the poor. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, I’m talking about what works and what doesn’t. Shouting for equality because everyone “deserves” it does not work. I believe the key is to take advantage of it. In fact, more than ever, people are striving to overcome those biases. They are not products of conscious deliberation. But I also believe those biases are rooted in societal programming. Oh, and be confident, but not too aggressive or strong. We can pursue a career if we want, but only after taking care of the children. I believe everyone - men and women - has biases against women. I have internalized it to the point that I thought I considered it a non-issue. In fact, how I deal with this issue is central to how I operate.
It encapsulates how I think about men, women, and work. Going back to biases against women, my decision to be a competitive wrestler is a deliberate one. When I don’t, it’s an awareness that women are naturally weaker, not a judgment on my ability. When I score against him, it’s because I am competent. But when my male sparring partner lifts me, it’s a matter of fact that he should be able to. Yesterday, during wrestling training, a 60kg guy and I were practicing double leg lift takedowns.īeing 55kg and female, whenever I am able to lift him, my coach praised me.